(727): You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
(423): God I miss you. I want to fuck your face… Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
(415): I’m still confused. So he’s NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think…
(719): The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they’re just rubbing it in that I’m home alone on a Saturday night and they’re having orgies.
(760): Competitive oral. I’m always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I’ve had. They go back down with something to prove.
(740): Let’s play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
(262): My vagina feels like it’s been kissed by angels.
(515): Girl I love you like I’ve been drinking all day
(207): So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
(931): I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment?
(401): Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
(210): I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
(512): There are margaritas in the freezer still.
(706): I’m having a staring contest with a raccoon.
(1-706): Where the hell are you?
(706): He’s winning.
(408): Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
